More Koolaid, Please

I feel guilty about this, because I was so motivated to follow through with this plan, and I told so many people that it was going to happen.

But I'd like to make this my official announcement...that I will not be trying out for dance team.

1.) I am not ready, now that tryouts have been moved ahead like two weeks. It would be a waste of my time to go there and show them how much I can't do.

2.) I really need to have a real job with regular hours next year. If I want to go to college I sort of need to pay for it.

3.) I love tutoring. And if I were to make dance team, I would be unable to do that again. It came down to which of those two things was more important.

Ok, so, I apologize for getting all excited and pumped up and then not actually doing it. But, what can I say? There are too many other important things going on!

Good luck to all those who actually do try-out, I'll be cheering for you!

I love Les Miserables oh so much. I'm not a cool theater person, and I can't really sing so anybody wants to hear me, but I wish that I would have been somehow involved with it because it was...just...so...incredible. I was literally moved to tears both times I saw it, and let me tell ya, I would pay good money for a certain Jean Valjean to sing to/about/with me. It was just so amazing. Actually, magical would be a lovely word to describe it. I really admire all the people that put so much time and effort into creating the production, because without them, there would be nothing to write about right now.

I also got to spend time with some of my super fun extended family tonight, while eating pizza, and it just doesnt get much better than that. My cousin Julie and her husband Justin went to dinner/the play with us, and they're just about the cutest couple I've ever seen. They've been married for three years and it's obvious that they're still as crazy about each other and have as much fun together as when they were dating in high school. Something about that is just so adorable. Skot was there, too, and there aren't really any good words to describe his new...look. The dreads totally fit his personality, though, so I wouldn't expect anything less from him, and I sort of do actually like it. If he wanted his hair to scream "SKOT!", then he has definitely succeeded.

Applying for a job is very nervewracking (and I don't know how to spell that...). BUT I SURVIVED! And I felt good about it, too. Mr. Anderson's wife interviewed me and it went really well. It certainly didn't hurt that I'm going to babysit for them. ;) As much as I don't really want to have a job, I do hope that they hire me. It seems like a very fun place to work, and I need the money pretty bad. Hopefully it's a job I can keep throughout the summer and into/throughout next school year. We'll see.

That's about all I know this evening; I hope everyone's weekend is going well. Enjoy your Sunday. ;)

Is anyone that reads this a Universalist Unitarian?


I don't really feel like being Catholic.


But I'm too shy/scared to try something new alone.

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me why
You are still so afraid

Where's the fire? What's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
You can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
But you know you can't always see when you're right

You got your passion and you got your pride
But don't you know only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook
And disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

"Vienna," Billy Joel

I mean, who doesn't?

I just watched "The Notebook" for the first time since we've owned it, and of course I cried like a baby and was left longing for a great love of my own.

I'm only 17, I know. But Allie Hamilton was only 17 when she met Noah, and hey, we have they same name, so it's obviously very likely to be found anyday now. Maybe it comes from having loved so much and lost so bad. Or maybe it comes from being controlled almost completely by teenage hormones. Or maybe it even comes solely from great admiration of Ryan Gosling. But that's what I want. I want "I love you" to be more than words; to be a feeling and a connection and to mean everything. I want to be surrounded by love and never be lonely, because that's what everyone deserves, and I believe that it's out there somewhere.

Somedays, that seems the exact opposite of possible.

But it's there, I know it is. Maybe now (but hiding). Maybe a week from now, or a year or many years from now. But it's there.




And I'll be seeing you.

Thanks, Miss Rachel.

Did you know that the most fatal type of Malaria is called Plasmodium Falciparum? And did you also know that massages are heavenly, and that friends make life worth living? And that I totally showed today's pre-calc test who's boss? You better believe all those things. Because they are so true, I can hardly stand it. Also, tubing is just way too much fun.

Should I expand on those things? Maybe a little..

Except for the malaria. That's pretty much just a fact you might need to know someday...or something.

I got a massage tonight for the first time ever, and it was waaaaay too short. It was exactly what I needed, especially today. I would strongly recommend that everyone save up some moola and pay for me to get another one. Soon. ;)

Friends make life worth living, because, well, they just do! I wouldn't ever smile, or laugh, or have inside jokes if it weren't for the amazing people I get to spend time with everyday. For the 8 billionth time, I love you guys.

I ONLY GOT ONE WRONG ON THE PRE-CALC TEST!! Yes, I am ecstatic. Plllllease let this be the first of many more good grades.

Tubing yesterday with my little kids was soo much fun. Yes, I do claim them as my own, and no, I don't know why. I forgot how fun that kind of thing is, and I'm glad that the temperature was nice enough to let me enjoy it. Even though it's been a hassle this year to get to tutoring, that kind of thing makes it worth it.

I haven't updated in a long while. I've been a little busy and a lot tired. Just thought I'd throw in an update until I have mucho tiempo to sit down and blog again.

And remember...
You. Are. Fabulous.

My future children are going to play the piano.

Well, even if it's not the piano, they're going to do something that they can be proud of.

Why? So that when they're 17, and the capacity to learn new things has greatly declined, and they go to piano recitals, they don't sit there in awe and wonder why they have no talents at all.

Basically because if that were to happen, they would then ask me why that is, and I would be forced to tell them that they got that from their mother, who is virtually talentless.






Very nice job, Christopher. ;)

I have ashes on my forehead. And honestly, I don't know why. I mean, I know how they got there, and that they are the ashes from the palms from Palm Sunday, but I can't say that I know what the significance of this is. I've even gone to religious education for like 10 years, and I know all my prayers and everything, yet I sit here in pure confusion as to the real meaning of Ash Wednesday. See? That's the problem, right there. I have been told to believe this, and to "be proud" of these ashes on my forehead. But WHY? It's so easy to just accept things when you're little. But then you grow up and explanations become more and more necessary, and reading the bible for answers just doesn't really float my boat. I like the community and the fellowship, but what does the whole God thing mean?
I contemplate this, over, and over, and over again. And if I could just choose to know it backwards and forwards and believe it without question, I would. Because that would be easy.

But nothing is easy anymore.

I am fuming. There is so much wrong with this country and this world, and it won't ever get any better. So prepare for it to get worse.

Today I made a connection. I realized how much hyprocracy exists in the United States today. I have been called un-American, by numerous people, because of my political views. I've been told that I shouldn't live in this country because if I think our president is an incapable idiot, then I belong somewhere else. Well, I can't say that the thought of fleeing from the terrible embarassment never crossed my mind, but how many other people, many of those who would call me un-American, also do things that completely contradict what the American flag stands for?
A big reason that the United States is the land of the free is because everyone is allowed to be who they are, without living in fear that their race or their opinions will put them in danger of attack or execution. In many other countries, those two consequences are very much reality, many times for freedoms we take for granted and don't think twice about here in this country. I have grown up, my entire life, with peers that are different from me. Some of my very best friends in elementary school were Asian, and their families and lifestyles were much different than mine. I learned so much from them. I wasn't thinking at the time about how much better my life would be because I grew up that way, but I now realize how tolerant it has made me and how strong my morals are because I don't judge people based on their ethnicity. That is not something that everyone can say for themselves, and they should be ashamed.

There is no excuse for racism. Not a single one. It doesn't matter how nice you are to those with the same background as you, or how often you go to church. Our world is a terrible place because people degrade others based on their religion or skin color, or any other characteristic they find in someone else that in reality has no effect on who they are or how they live their life. It blows my mind that all these "religious people" think they will go to heaven only because of God and their devotion to their religion. Look around you. And open your eyes, don't just pretend. The world is falling apart. Are you going to do something to make it better? Or are you going to keep pretending?

Stand for something. Really. Act on what you think. Because today, I said something. Not something huge and monumental, but something. And I was empowered because I was RIGHT and because I had the confidence to prove it. I was later told that I "don't know how to handle people like that," people like the ignorant person I spoke out in front of. What? Those people are the way they are because NO ONE handles them. No one ever tells them how sick and wrong their opinions are; how un-American it is to restrict the freedom of others. Maybe the idea of properly "handling" that is to ignore it. But if you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem.



"It is never too late to give up our prejudices."
-Henry David Thoreau

I'm really antsy, and I'm getting bored and fidgety, so I've decided to write again, only three hours after my last entry. That means that I'm pretty much going to be writing about nothing that matters. (Someone needs to get a life...)

I'm so sad about the old school. I drove around it last night, and with these scary orange-ish lights shining from the inside, you can tell how empty and lonely the building really is. Maybe it sounds stupid to say that a building is lonely, but how can it not be? It's just so sad. So much has happened within those walls (many of which no longer exist) and just like that, the memories end. If you look into the back windows, where the math rooms used to be, you can still see the Mickey Mouse mural on the wall. You'll probably cry, too. (And if you do, please let me know, because I don't want to be the only one.)

I wish that money grew on trees. The ones in my backyard, preferably. I have so many random important things to buy before Peru. And at the same time there are so many things I want to buy for not-Peru, such as some muy adorable shirts at Target. I won't buy the muy cute things that I don't need, yet it's still really painful to instead spend my money on underwear and t-shirts that I'm going to throw away while I'm there. Peru is indeed more important and worth a ton more than anything I will ever be able to purchase at a store. I'm just bad with the whole money thing. Oh well, I will bring back plenty of alpaca fur blankets and wool sweaters, and those muy cute shirts at Target will be jealous that I passed them up. Souvenirs, anyone?

Are you sick of reading, yet? I'm not really sick of writing, but I had a late night last night and the tiredness is getting to me. Plus, I'm really cold, and the floor in front of the fireplace is looking like a crazy good place to crash. Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow. ;)

Oh, yeah, and as of today, only six months until 18. Paaaaaaartay.

To make herself feel totally unwelcome, of course. Why does she push people away? Probably because they want her gone anyway. So then why does it matter?

Yeah. I'm working through it. Breathe in, and out...and on a completely different note...

I'm really glad that Elizabeth spent some time in Wausau this weekend. She's been gone for eight (!!!) years, and it was pretty fascinating to see who she remembered and who remembered her. I'd have to say that I'm glad I have lived (and will continute to live) in the same place my whole life, because there's most definitely a sense of pride in knowing your home city like the back of your hand. I didn't really realize that until last night; it was an interesting thought. But anyway, we chilled at Culver's before heading to school for the JV/Varsity basketball games, which both contained a fair amount of dissapointment. I'm trying to be really optimistic about it, but it's still hard to lose. (And I wasn't even playing...) After the game we slept over at Kelly's for her BIRTHDAY, and I was once again reminded of my great luck in being found my such amazing friends. It was a lot of fun, and I think Elizabeth really enjoyed herself, too.

IT WAS 50 DEGREES OUTSIDE TODAY! IN FEBRUARY! SIMPLY WONDERFUL!

Upon arriving home this afternoon, I was informed that a certain group of males was participating in a certain sport for a certain large event taking place in Wausau this weekend. So, I had no choice really but to wear only a t-shirt in the tropical-like weather and go watch them. After that, I ventured to church, where I found Kelly, and we decided to return, in the tropical-like weather, to once again view the intense athletic competition. The outcome was not exactly as the certain group of males wanted it to be, however, they were 10 times cuter than the other team, so what else matters? ;) I know, that doesn't mean anything. But when you're being a loyal spectator, it's a valid way to judge who the REAL winners are.

So after that whole fiasco, Kelly and I ventured to Mobil Mart and a super amazing carwash that, brace yourself, had RAINBOW COLORED SOAP. I don't believe I've ever seen anying cooler in my entire life. We then parked in my driveway and discussed politics, which was refreshing, because someone else in this world has common sense! Needless to say, Kelly and I enjoyed our evening. Now, here I sit, typing and drinking chocolate milk. Whew.

My dad cleared our hard drive this past week, and I lost everything. It's not the end of the world, however, the computer IS my life, and I've lost all my away messages and all my favorite places. I can fix that stuff, but I'm also just really impatient and would like it to magically reappear. What else would I like to magically appear? A stylish business man, holding a baby, that has a night job as a firefighter. (Am I dreaming too big, here? Nah. It'll happen.)

How is Valentine's Day going to be for everyone? I don't know what to expect. Memories of past Valentine's Days? Same as any other day? Full of steamy passion and endless romance? Right now, it's pretty much up in the air.

That's all for now, but there's a pretty long night ahead of me. I have to stop eating these potato chips, and maybe I'll post something else later tonight.

I can be anything I want to be when I grow up.

Isn't that amazing? It's SO amazing that I didn't even fully realize that until today.

The possibilities are endless. And Eau Claire is where it's at, I'm sure of it.

Spanish.
Special Education.
Broadcast Journalism.

Everything I'm even remotely interested in is sitting right there in front of me, and is mine for only $9,000 a year! Imagine that. It's just simply incredible.

I'm in awe, so I'm going to finish up my Spanish now.

More later. ;)