More Koolaid, Please

I leave for Peru in 3 days. Early Thursday morning, I say goodbye to mi familia, and hit the road.

I'm nervous! Excited and nervous, but I still don't really care for all these butterflies. I suppose it hasn't quite sunken in yet that I am actually going to be in a completely different country. A whole new continent, as a matter of fact! I have never before traveled to a different country, besides driving through a small bit of Canada, and especially now that my parents won't be with me, I'm just a little anxious.

I'm all packed, so that's good. There are just a few things that I have to use up until Wednesday night before I pack them, but other than that, I finally have everything I need. Whew. It was a long tedious process, trying to analyze the temperature and the terrain and all that jazz. But hopefully I have packed everything that I will need.

PERU!! I'm going to Peru. I won't post again until after I return, and hopefully then I'll remember to post fun "travel journal" excerpts and other randomness from the trip. I love you all, and I hope you all have marvelous vacations!!

I'll leave you now with my newest song of interest..."Collide," by Howie Day.

The dawn is breaking
A light shinging through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quite you know
You make a first impression
I found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide


See you in APRIL!!

We could ALL use a little help.

Laugh at what I write if you are compelled to do so. But then look at your own life, as well. We all have a past, and we all have insecurities. We all complain and we all want things we can't have. Everyone loves someone who doesn't love them back, or wishes they could achieve something they may never achieve. But everyone also wants to be loved, even if it's not by that person who they want to be loved by or if it's a different kind of love than they would prefer. Everyone wants to succeed at the things they like to do and takes pride in themselves when they achieve that success. Everyone loves their family and their friends, deep down, and if they can't express it, they sometimes, if not all the time, wish they could. I observe, and I write about it. I live and I love, and I write about it. So comment what you may, but then look in the mirror. And remember how you feel each time someone takes a stab at how you choose to live your life, and how much you, yourself, hesitate to share with the world because you are afraid of that shot someone might take at you.


We're all in the same boat. No one is better, no one is worse. Everyone is human. Love each other.

Driving home after school on Friday, I hit a deer. My first EVER automobile accident. And I laughed. Laura and I both laughed. Because compared to the loss that the world just faced, a headlight was nothing big to say goodbye to.

A strange thing about mourning is that everyone looks for a connection. For some reason, it feels necessary to have some kind of pain in order to relate with those feeling it around you. Although many people push away feelings of vulnerability and hurt, in a way it is a natural to want to suffer. How odd. In this case especially, so many people feel the need to reach out and share how their life has been affected, directly or indirectly, by a man they shared their hallways with.

Even those who did not know Mr. Hansen admired him. Everyone wanted to be part of a class he taught or a club he supervised, just so they, too, could share in the experience of working with such a wonderful man. I was fortunate enough to know him through Student Council, and there was never a moment when no one was laughing or joking with him. He was constantly forming friendships and doing his best to make everyone around him smile. He lit people up, made them feel good about themselves and what they were contributing to their school and their community. He inspired poeple to come to class, because, after all, if you missed class, you missed Hansen. It is hard to believe that he will not be returning to school to admire everything the student body has done in his honor, because that's where he belongs. Walking through the halls, or in the science resource center, in his Converse tennis shoes, striped shirts, carrying a cup of coffee. In our hearts and our memories, that is where he will always be. We love you, Mr. Hansen, and you will never be forgotten. My most heartfelt thoughts and prayers go out to you, too, Senora K, and I'm hoping to see that contagious smile again soon.

I am no expert at living my life. Few people are. But Hansen was. And there is nothing about him that shouldn't live on in each one of us. Carry on, my friends, and remember to keep spreading the HOPE and the zest for life that Hansen carried with him everyday.

There is so much to write about, but I know that after tomorrow there will be even more. So for now, I just want to encourage everyone to stay strong, cheer hard at the game tonight, and keep thinking of Senora K. Nothing helps more than standing together.

Hope everyone's doing ok.

(Quote of the day by Karyn)

Today was long. And sad.

I wish there was something to do in order to help Mr. Hansen, Senora K, and their families. But there isn't anything, besides sending positive thoughts and prayers in their direction. There will be a candlelight hope vigil on Sunday at 6 p.m., around the flagpole at East. Bring candles, warm clothes and blankets, and plenty of positive thoughts. Anyone who wants to talk, or share stories, or just be with friends to support Hansen's quick recovery is welcome to join. He is strong on his own, and with all of us behind him, he is bound to win this fight.

Compared to that, this is nothing. But I didn't get the job I applied for at Gordman's. Not enough qualifications, probably, which I understand. It's dissapointing, but I do have other things to focus on.

Mrs. Riska changed the rehearsal schedule, and now my night of freedom and The O.C. has been stolen from me. Rehearsal from 6-8 tomorrow night. Not a pleasant surprise.

The good things about today were that I didn't get a lot of homework, and Rachel and I bonded. I hope that tomorrow brings better events and a little more good news.

I miss my grandma. Everything about her. The way she smelled, and the clothes she wore, and how soft she was. And now I'm crying again. Goodnight.

You have to hurt- to understand
You have to get by the best you can
Until you hurt- until you cry
You won't know about love
And the reason you're alive
You have to hurt

A Vibes update in list form:

- Smoking is one of the most absolutely repulsive things a human being can do and get away with. I hope that the FreshAir Act is passed, because other people's irresponsible decisions should not cut my life short. Yuck. Why would you want to SMELL like that? It's just so utterly disgusting.

- I don't really like to see other people's blood. Kinda grosses me out. And fights are scary. Thank goodness for bouncers.

- Never buy condoms from the bathroom of a nightclub. Why? Because apparantly they are expired and difficult to get open. Like, your boyfriend might just have to open it with his teeth.

- I know all the words to the Discovery Channel Song. Oh my.

- How does one dance in an oversized sweatsuit? How do they not roast to death under all that South Pole-ness?

- Chardaye is really pretty. It hurts me to think that she might not ever be successful in life, if she stays on the same path she's on now. I miss her.

- I don't understand how all the people in that place afford to go there on a regular basis.

- Most people have obviously never been to Walgreens to purchase the date-rape-drug-detector card. Very dangerous.

Bottom line? Well, I can now say that I've been to Vibes. I can also say, however, that it was a total waste of seven bucks.

Playing outside in the snow is one of the most freeing experiences there is. You want to feel like a kid again? Have a little too much built up stress? Jump in the snow. Make snow angels. Cover your entire yard with footprints. I never before realized the theraputic benefits of winter. And I encourage you to check them out.

On a totally, completely different subject, I am getting ready to go to Vibes tonight. Yes, my second ghetto dance club experience will, indeed, commence this evening. I am sooo excited. I have promised my mother that I will leave if there is any drug activity or if I am about to be raped, and I have decided NOT to wear a skirt, for obvious reasons. So I'm set. And it's going to be a wild time. I will, of course, have an update on it in no time.

In other news, I ate meat today. On Friday. HEAVEN FORBID. It was really interesting, because at least two people at my lunch table actually stared me down the entire time I was in the process of devouring my delicious nachos con carne y queso. I try not to let it bother me. Because if there is a God, he should love me anyway. Grady told me today, as I was putting the meat onto my nachos in the lunch line, that God loves all his children no matter what. And I mean, if Grady says it, it is obviously the truth. So it's ok, guys. No worries.

Half of the old school is almost completely gone. I drove around it today. And shed some tears. Just thought I'd share, in case you want to go see it before the gym is 100% demolished. It's sad, I'm warning you.

Oh, and I'm really proud of Mary.