More Koolaid, Please

The thing I don't understand about the world is how HATE controls everything.

It's a strong word--stronger, I think, than most people realize. There is a difference between disliking and hating, and hating is obviously the more powerful of the two.

Hate is exactly the opposite of love, but they work very much the same way. The way I view it, at least. If you love someone once, you love them forever. Maybe not in exactly the same way, but it never really goes away completely. That's because love is bigger than anything else you may ever feel for them. Hate works the same way. When you really hate someone, you feel it forever. Maybe only a tiny little twinge, but there's still a grudge sitting there that won't ever get up and leave.

It's fairly common to hate. It's accepted by our society to be rude and mean, and to bully others to get what we want, and to care only about ourselves. It's suddenly attractive to be obnoxious, heartless, and cruel. Our country as a whole is a perfect example of how petty, stupid things get in the way and cause MASSIVE voids between people, encouraging hate and spreading it among the masses only to create further damage. It doesn't unite anyone. That is a lie. A common hate does not bring people together, it separates them even further.

Whether you are aware of it or not, you have a label. And someone else, with a different label, doesn't like you because your label and theirs are DIFFERENT. You think differently or act differently, attend a different church or support a different political candidate. They don't hate you, but they think they do. Because we are so close minded as a society, every time we dislike or disagree with something, it becomes HATE. And remember what hate does? It separates people.

I do not know everything. And no, I am not a perfect. I make mistakes and I say mean things about people that I wish I could take back. I am constantly working on that. Mostly because it makes me so angry that these simple feelings are transformed into something so powerful that people are destroyed, countries are bombed to smithereens, and citizens of the same community can't look each other in the eye and have reasonable, respectful discussion about things that effect everyone equally. We're not supposed to be working against one another, but it seems that very few people know how to work together.

I already know that what I say matters very little in the whole scheme of things.

But think about it.

Since this whole myspace ordeal began, I have neglected my blog. How sad. I have also lacked unique inspiration to write. But I suppose I'll give it a whirl tonight.

I wish I still believed in Santa. Oh so very much. I hear people talking about how they will never "lie" to their children and tell them there is really a Santa Clause, and that makes me so sad. I long for those days, when Christmas was magical and there was anticipation and surprise. I don't want to decide when to open presents--I want to wait until morning, after Santa has put them under the tree. I am so lucky to have parents that raised me with special traditions. Especially traditions that I miss when I grow out of them. Everything about being little was magic. But that's the beauty of it, right? Missing it so much and striving to keep it alive, even when it starts to fade.

Break so far has been quite enjoyable. Thursday night was much needed, Friday was the most entertaining day of my life, and Christmas was relaxing and full of food and family. In our green gift exchange I received some lovely John Deere apparel, and Santa brought flannel pajamas, a shirt to display my Wausau pride, and a Sony Handycam for the family. Apparantly Santa also brought the promise of shopping in Madison this week, but we'll see how that goes. I have spent a lot of the weekend in my pajamas, laying on the living room floor, and I plan to do more of that yet this week. I did take a long walk with my mama tonight, though, which was refreshing. I've also been playing massive amounts of electronic Sudoku, so my brain is staying in shape, too. :)

Well, tomorrow I'm spending some time with my Little Sister, finishing up some last minute outfit-type things, and then heading to the Holiday Bash. I have some mixed feelings about the whole concept of this fiesta, so hopefully it's an alright time. If nothing else, it was a good excuse to get a rather stunning new dress!

I hope everyone had a safe and merry Christmas weekend...have a relaxing week off!

"Are you a mom?"
--"Nope."
"I thought you said you were an adult."
--"I am an adult, but I don't have any kids."
"Well we are your kids."
--**smiiiiiiiile**



Awwwwwww. I know. I love them.

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry to much
Am I too outspoken

Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much
Am I too outspoken

Don't I make you laugh
Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me
Why do you see right through me

I get screwed over no matter what. All the time.

What the fuck is up with that?

I feel like breaking something.

This post really doesn't have anything to do with television. Besides the fact that I am now suddenly addicted to Lost and Miss 17, and tonight I was totally shocked by the elimination of Jill. Girls and their lack of self-control, I tell you. And those damn hidden cameras.

I'm in such a good mood. Bizzarre, really, as lately I have found little incentive to be optimistic about anything. I need to find a catchy synonym for "busy" because I am getting a little bored of telling people that I am the same thing over and over again. I'm also draggin' a little bit, which would probably not be an issue if I weren't writing blog entries at 11:00 at night. On the bright side, World Lit Papers are on the fast track to being done, and as soon as I wrap up the rough draft of my second one, I should have much less to think about. As much work as it takes, it's a good feeling to complete something and feel good about the end result. A little dorky, especially when talking about English IB, but very true. Anyway, though, I'm feeling content. Certainly there are always more things to do, but I think that content is a decent description.

Does anyone remember what was on the 400 Block before it was just grass? I want to make sure I'm not alone in being unable to remember before I write that no one remembers in my upcoming article. Yeah. Make sense of that one.

Not that blogs usually have a point, but this entry has been especially pointless. In the spirit of Senioritis, I'm going to forget the rest of my homework and hit the sack. Have a very happy SAINT NICHOLAS DAY!