More Koolaid, Please

I have ashes on my forehead. And honestly, I don't know why. I mean, I know how they got there, and that they are the ashes from the palms from Palm Sunday, but I can't say that I know what the significance of this is. I've even gone to religious education for like 10 years, and I know all my prayers and everything, yet I sit here in pure confusion as to the real meaning of Ash Wednesday. See? That's the problem, right there. I have been told to believe this, and to "be proud" of these ashes on my forehead. But WHY? It's so easy to just accept things when you're little. But then you grow up and explanations become more and more necessary, and reading the bible for answers just doesn't really float my boat. I like the community and the fellowship, but what does the whole God thing mean?
I contemplate this, over, and over, and over again. And if I could just choose to know it backwards and forwards and believe it without question, I would. Because that would be easy.

But nothing is easy anymore.