Sunday, March 26, 2006
alone in the universe
Day two of being totally alone and I'm still alive. Whew.
It's extremely pleasant having absolutely nothing to do. I haven't been bored yet because I am so thoroughly enjoying the fact that I can stay in my pajamas all week if I feel like it. I've only been slighty tempted to call people who I know aren't here, which is better than I was expecting. And tomorrow is full of fun and events, so that's exciting too.
I went to church last night for the first time since Father Steve died, and my gosh was it difficult. I was thinking that maybe I would be okay, but I had such a headache from trying not to cry for a whole hour. I suppose I could have just cried, but I know he's happy wherever he is, and why should I cry about that? It's so tough to think about an entire congregation of happy, Christian people that now grieve every time they enter church. The environment is so different than it used to be, and that's sad in itself. How do you bring comfort to that many people? I don't think you can. It will certainly take a lot of time.
I can register for Orientation a week from tomorrow. I don't want to! Don't make me go!
That's all I have to say about that.
Too bad all of you vacationers left GORGEOUS spring in Wisconsin! Hope everyone's vacations are good no matter what the temperature. :)
Enjoy the week!
It's extremely pleasant having absolutely nothing to do. I haven't been bored yet because I am so thoroughly enjoying the fact that I can stay in my pajamas all week if I feel like it. I've only been slighty tempted to call people who I know aren't here, which is better than I was expecting. And tomorrow is full of fun and events, so that's exciting too.
I went to church last night for the first time since Father Steve died, and my gosh was it difficult. I was thinking that maybe I would be okay, but I had such a headache from trying not to cry for a whole hour. I suppose I could have just cried, but I know he's happy wherever he is, and why should I cry about that? It's so tough to think about an entire congregation of happy, Christian people that now grieve every time they enter church. The environment is so different than it used to be, and that's sad in itself. How do you bring comfort to that many people? I don't think you can. It will certainly take a lot of time.
I can register for Orientation a week from tomorrow. I don't want to! Don't make me go!
That's all I have to say about that.
Too bad all of you vacationers left GORGEOUS spring in Wisconsin! Hope everyone's vacations are good no matter what the temperature. :)
Enjoy the week!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
severe lack of updating
I am really just trying to think of something to do to occupy the 15 minutes I have before I must leave to run erands and rehearse.
The past weekend was heartbreaking. Not that anyone needs to be reminded. But, anyway. I haven't really been able to talk about it yet--I suppose it's been easier not to. Sometimes the emotions are too strong to come out all in one piece, and then end up just dribbling out bit by bit, breakdown by breakdown. There is certainly nothing beautiful about that. But it's just the way it works. I am thankful that this coming weekend I have absolutely nothing to do. And it's looking a lot like break will be that way, as well. Ah, the relief.
In other news, everything has been so blah lately. I feel as though I have never been...here...before, and therefore "blah" is something I am unsure how to handle. I hate to post the exact same feelings everytime, but it has been a really long time, it seems, since I felt, well, "unblah." I no longer feel the need to say "good" when someone asks me how I am, and would most of the time rather say, "Help," or "Get me the hell outta here," or "How much longer?" If you know me, though, you probably know that I say "good" anyway.
Rehearsal last night was very joyous. As was Junion this afternoon. Laughing is so wonderful. It's a good time out from all the "blah."
Good thing I'm heading there now.
The past weekend was heartbreaking. Not that anyone needs to be reminded. But, anyway. I haven't really been able to talk about it yet--I suppose it's been easier not to. Sometimes the emotions are too strong to come out all in one piece, and then end up just dribbling out bit by bit, breakdown by breakdown. There is certainly nothing beautiful about that. But it's just the way it works. I am thankful that this coming weekend I have absolutely nothing to do. And it's looking a lot like break will be that way, as well. Ah, the relief.
In other news, everything has been so blah lately. I feel as though I have never been...here...before, and therefore "blah" is something I am unsure how to handle. I hate to post the exact same feelings everytime, but it has been a really long time, it seems, since I felt, well, "unblah." I no longer feel the need to say "good" when someone asks me how I am, and would most of the time rather say, "Help," or "Get me the hell outta here," or "How much longer?" If you know me, though, you probably know that I say "good" anyway.
Rehearsal last night was very joyous. As was Junion this afternoon. Laughing is so wonderful. It's a good time out from all the "blah."
Good thing I'm heading there now.
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