Thursday, November 08, 2007
It is 12:16 a.m. Thankfully, I don't have class until 10 tomorrow.
I don't know why I feel inspired to write. Every once in a while I read my own blog. Hopefully I am not that only one who does that. It helps me to remember who I was, and occasionally, who I am. While I unfortunately do not keep my blog updated, and I am nearly positive that no one reads it, there are certain things that happen to me that I automatically think, "I should blog about that." Mostly, this occurs because those things that occur have to do with things that I have blogged about here for years. Sometimes I think it happens simply because words are so natural to me and some things just need to be expressed that way.
There is a quote on the mirror in my bathroom that says, "Things fall apart so that other things can fall together." This week, that quote came true for me.
There is this boy in my life. Or, well, there was. He decided that was something that no longer worked for him. He decided this several years ago, and just last Friday did I realize it. Or maybe, I had realized it, but had not come to terms with it. For so long I was miserable, I was depressed, and I was subconsciously constantly overwhelmed with emotion (mostly anger) toward him. On Friday, I decided to let go. Just...let go. It is no longer something that can control my life, and I will no longer allow him to have the power over me that he has held for so long. And then, just like that, there was a new boy in my life. He's funny and he makes me smile and he takes time to spend with me just doing nothing. I don't feel like I have to hide or pretend or hold anything back. In just a few short days he has restored some of the hope that Boy #1 took away. I didn't even think that was possible.
Of course, there are always complications, and I face the terrifying reality that in two short months, I will be leaving the states to live in Spain for almost five months. I do not know if this is temporary--joy that I should just be grateful for right now, or something that will continue to surprise me and last well into the future. But at this point, it doesn't really matter. I am smiling on a regular basis. I feel completely capable of telling off the boy who tried to take away what it is that allows me to trust and have hope and to open up to another person. This is something totally new. Clearly, the relationship with him needed to fall apart in order for this new one to "fall together."
I often wish that more could come from this blog than me rambling on about my emotional and dramatic life happenings. But frankly, life happens, and this is life. What will inspire me next?
I don't know why I feel inspired to write. Every once in a while I read my own blog. Hopefully I am not that only one who does that. It helps me to remember who I was, and occasionally, who I am. While I unfortunately do not keep my blog updated, and I am nearly positive that no one reads it, there are certain things that happen to me that I automatically think, "I should blog about that." Mostly, this occurs because those things that occur have to do with things that I have blogged about here for years. Sometimes I think it happens simply because words are so natural to me and some things just need to be expressed that way.
There is a quote on the mirror in my bathroom that says, "Things fall apart so that other things can fall together." This week, that quote came true for me.
There is this boy in my life. Or, well, there was. He decided that was something that no longer worked for him. He decided this several years ago, and just last Friday did I realize it. Or maybe, I had realized it, but had not come to terms with it. For so long I was miserable, I was depressed, and I was subconsciously constantly overwhelmed with emotion (mostly anger) toward him. On Friday, I decided to let go. Just...let go. It is no longer something that can control my life, and I will no longer allow him to have the power over me that he has held for so long. And then, just like that, there was a new boy in my life. He's funny and he makes me smile and he takes time to spend with me just doing nothing. I don't feel like I have to hide or pretend or hold anything back. In just a few short days he has restored some of the hope that Boy #1 took away. I didn't even think that was possible.
Of course, there are always complications, and I face the terrifying reality that in two short months, I will be leaving the states to live in Spain for almost five months. I do not know if this is temporary--joy that I should just be grateful for right now, or something that will continue to surprise me and last well into the future. But at this point, it doesn't really matter. I am smiling on a regular basis. I feel completely capable of telling off the boy who tried to take away what it is that allows me to trust and have hope and to open up to another person. This is something totally new. Clearly, the relationship with him needed to fall apart in order for this new one to "fall together."
I often wish that more could come from this blog than me rambling on about my emotional and dramatic life happenings. But frankly, life happens, and this is life. What will inspire me next?
# posted by Allisoni Balloni : 10:17 PM
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