More Koolaid, Please

I didn't want this to be a personal blog anymore but apparantly I cannot escape from it. According to Google Maps, my best friend lives exactly 316 miles (5 hours and 21 minutes) from where I sit right now. That is too far. I miss her. When I feel like this I obviously just want to talk to her but we're in college now which means we're busy and therefore talking is a luxury, not something we can take for granted. She understands when no one else does. So when I have no one else to talk to, and I finally feel inspired to write something that might not actually be extremely shitty, that is exactly what I will do.

I cannot think. I cannot concentrate. Each thing I try to focus on reminds me of something else, usually something much deeper and time consuming than I wish to have anything to do with. I came across the website for FOUND magazine, via the Postsecret website, and I find it so captivating. Real snapshots of moments and feelings and many times things that were never supposed to be seen by anyone else. But there they are, for the world to see, and I wonder what would happen if I wrote things down, secret things, and then randomly dropped them for unknown people to find. I have always been inclined to pick up and read notes that I find. I know that I am not the only one. The bad thing, though, is that this scattered, bizzarre feeling that I have, I do not have a clue how to describe it. There are so many people in my life that I do not know what to do with. People who were once an irreplacable part of my days and of my life and who have now seemingly lost all interest in contact and meaningful conversation.

What do you do with an empty part of you that cannot be filled by anyone but the one who used to fill it? And when you've been made to feel disposable, how do you possibly reverse that feeling into something that's anything other than heartbreaking?