More Koolaid, Please

I will probably regret what I'm about to write. I can't do much right these days.

I am so fucking angry.

I don't want to be mad anymore. Or sad, or confused, or anything other than happy.

My friends, aren't my friends. That's good news, isn't it? Oh yeah, it brightened my day, too.

I changed myself. Total Allison makeover. It took time, it took work, but it payed off. I became a better person because I felt better about myself and I felt, for the first time ever, perfectly fine with who I was. Now maybe some other people don't like who I am, but that's another thing I learned to accept. I found new friends. Not because I didn't like the old ones, but because the way I needed to change didn't fit within the limits I was living with. I was happy with my new friends. I was so glad that they accepted me and that we could have fun together and that I didn't have to worry about being judged.

Wrong.

Everyone judges me.

Except for the friends that I really did love and momentarily left behind.

I am angry at myself for doing that to them, and at those who continue to betray me as I write this. I will never do the same to you, although I hope you somehow learn something from hurting others that leads to you discontinuing your back-stabbing behavior.

After saying all that, I'd like to state that I don't want to be mean and I hate to make people mad. But I'm so sick of this shit, sick of being nice to people who I know full well don't actually WANT to be nice to me.

I apologize to those who this entry does not apply to. You know who you are, and I'll love you forever.

Please, let this be the last negative entry.

Signed,
The Scorpion Woman